Whether you’re an equestrian, horse enthusiast, or participant in equine facilitated learning, you’ve heard me ask this question.
I am a student of the horse which means I turn to the herd when I bump up against issues. For example, when I was struggling with my self-image and obsessing over working out, I turned to the horse. How do horses see themselves? Do they see themselves from the outside in? Do horses judge other horses on their physical appearance; too fat, too thin, and so on? I found my answers by turning to the herd and found myself, yet again, by perceiving myself from the inside out, like the horses, and shifting to how I felt in my body, heart, and mind, thus driving my self-care from a place of feeling and authenticity.
The above question often appears when a human struggles to achieve their “goal” with a horse. We pause, whether in the saddle or on the ground, and ask a few questions.
*Am I congruent? Is my inner dialogue and feelings being held behind a mask? Am I in alignment from the inside out? In the simplest of terms, if I’m feeling afraid, I acknowledge internally that I’m feeling afraid and bring myself congruent. Congruence is necessary when working with horses since predators are incongruent when stocking a herd for a meal. Horses have a heightened sensitivity to incongruence and recognize the difference in us no matter what is causing the mismatch.
*Am I in relationship with the horse? Horses are relationship beings. A horse alone in a pasture is a lonely horse. Horses live in family groups and herds. Horses come together when there is a threat and do not scatter. Horses live life and function societally together, each with roles supporting the herd regardless of gender. Horses need us to be “in relationship” with them and connected. This type of connection comes from the heart and can look like touching, hanging out space, or simply eye contact. Connection looks different for each of us and the horse always honors our version as long as it comes from the heart.
*Am I present? Being present means right here, right now, Fully in my body and sensing my environment. Noticing how the ground feels beneath my feet, the air on my skin, breathing in the scents of the environment, and/or taking in the beauty with my eyes. A present state of being is all the horse knows; they do not spend time ruminating about yesterday or the “what ifs” that come with tomorrow. They exist right here, right now, in this moment. They “demand” the same from us to co-create because, for eons, their lives depended on it. You cannot be 99% present; you are either 100% present or not at all, just like pregnancy. Once these three questions have been answered and the horse’s needs met, we can move on.
Here’s what I share with clients verbatim in the round pen:
“If you are asking the horse to move forward at a walk, utilizing all your communication tools, and the horse turns and gallops the other direction, it is never bad horse you didn’t do what I said.
What if the horse is doing exactly what it perceives you to communicate? What if the horse is doing precisely what you said in “horse language”?
I call this perceived misbehavior because it’s your interpretation through your filters. If all the criteria are met to co-create with the horse, then that horse willingly does what it perceives you to be asking. So, let’s look at the feedback the horse provided through their actions and adjust your communication based on the feedback. For example, was the energy behind your “ask” too high a volume? Did your body position cut the horse off and drive them in the other direction? Let’s look at your part in achieving the goal and how you can adjust your communication to work for the horse, the recipient of your communication and co-creation partner.”
If the horse is always right, it becomes my responsibility as the communicator to adjust to the recipient’s needs. Shifting from blame or “the horse didn’t do what I said” to feedback and “How can I adjust my communication in a way that works for the horse so we can achieve the goal together?”. This shift in mindset and responsibility is critical in building like-language, cooperation, understanding, and successful co-creation. As a professional horse trainer, I have practiced the adjustment with many horses and also with numerous human clients.
If the horse is always right, what about my clients, family, and staff? I hope you can see that through this model and experience, a participant can shift to a responsible, present, engaged communicator and leader. Removing the blame and belief that others must meet us where we’re at and shifting to the understanding that good leaders build like language. They work at meeting the other person where they are. Good leaders are congruent, present, connected, active listeners, curious, open, engaged, and always willing to own their part.
The gift of learning these lessons with a horse is that the human can embody the experience and create cellular memories of failure, success, and change. They get the bonus of working with an excellent teacher, the horse, who does not judge—a pure experience with a sentient being that offers learning and growth from the heart.
It is such a gift to begin seeing things through the eyes of a horse. And, to reiterate, the horse IS always right!
Cathy
Interested in learning more? Drop me an email through the contact page and let’s chat!