I am going to admit something; for many years, I have not fully believed in Love. I have questioned and doubted the power of Love. In relationships, I have openly stated that Love could not conquer all. I believed that there had to be more than “just love”. I am not sure where I began the shift away from Love in all her glory, but I did none the less.
When I was a kid, I deeply LOVED my animal friends, especially my dogs and horses. I spent all my time with them, and we adventured together. I was fearless with the horses and loved every minute of it. I rode them, hung out with them, even had conversations with them, and there was almost always a dog by my side. I even had a dog that would jump up on the saddle and ride with me. I have never lost or questioned my Love for the 4 legged’s, just with humans.
As a teen I dated, but nothing compared to my horse time. Maybe if some of them had been “horsemen” it might have been different, maybe not. I just remember that going to horse shows was more important than dates. I worked my dating life around my horse time and horse shows.
In my 20’s, I entered the horse world as a professional trainer. I experienced conflicting worlds when I began exploring relationships as an adult. I dated plenty of people during this time; some I loved deeply, some I just liked, some were great lessons in what I did not want in a relationship, I broke some hearts, and I had my heart broken. As time marched on, I began to embrace the limiting belief that Love could not conquer all, Love was just not enough.
On the other hand, I have always been present and supported others in their relationships. I listen, I offer a perspective that supports them when asked, I encourage patience, and I suggest that Love of one another can be reason enough to find the other side of pain and conflict. Unfortunately, I did not believe that to be true for me. In one of my relationships, when it came crashing down, she shared with me that she had always believed our Love could conquer all. She said that she believed we could get through anything because of our Love, and I stated that there had to be more than just love. I broke her heart, and in truth, I had been breaking my own for years.
Recently I started a class on Conscious Transformation, and the question was posed, “What limiting beliefs do you hold? What might your life look like if you let go of that belief?”.
For 24 hours, I danced around limiting beliefs that I have dealt with for years; I am not worthy, I have to pay my dues first. I was avoiding the big one, that Love can conquer all. What if Love is the source, the why? What would it mean if Love could conquer all? What might my world look like if this were true? What might be possible?
It hit me like a fully loaded semi-truck and trailer barreling down the highway at 75 mph, and I was the little bug that splattered all over the windshield! I had withheld the gift of Love, not only from others but from myself. Everywhere I have been looking to help heal myself and grow has been telling me, in a multitude of ways, that I need to open and soften my heart. I just could not see the forest for the trees, until I could. Now I am amazed at the variety and depth of the shades of green in that forest as I begin to see again.
So, this year I started with myself, and through my therapist and tons of books, became open to the idea of loving myself. First, I began to embrace my soul, my gifts, my differences as positive needed attributes; I began to embrace my passion and purpose with horses in an expanded way. I gave myself permission to mourn, to really grieve the horses I had loved and lost in my life. In doing so, I began to soften and build a stronger relationship with my current horse. We were missing that core heart connection because of me. Through listening to Clarissa Pinkola Estes Ph.D., I experienced an epiphany, that my body is my consort. Forehead slap! Everything I am, I do, I feel, I experience, is done THROUGH my body! The importance of treating her with Love and compassion unconditionally and unapologetically suddenly became a necessity, not a choice. And finally, I find myself at this juncture; Embracing the idea that Love of self and others is the only way…
If Love were my reason, what would that mean to self and others?
I will be there in the hard times because of love.
I will rest and rejuvenate because of love.
I will laugh because of love.
I will dance because of love.
I will cry because of love.
I will listen more because of love.
I will try harder because of love.
I will stand taller because of love.
When the going gets tough, I will soften and become flexible and pliable because of Love.
I will give of my heart without expectation because of Love.
I will forgive because of Love.
I will rise and protect those who need me because of Love.
I will reach out my hand to help others because of Love.
I will be present and witness because of Love.
And when the time comes, I will leave this world a better place than when I arrived, because of Love.
Today, I acknowledge the possibility that Love might truly be the way and why. Through Love, maybe anything IS possible. With a loving heart leading the way, my journey has already become brighter and clearer. I do not know what the future holds for me, but I do know that Love will lead me forward into a higher calling and contribution.
Today I choose to love unconditionally, and I know I will have to focus on this action indefinitely because LOVE is a verb. I will be tested, challenged, questioned; If I continue to return to the belief that Love comes first, then maybe, Love really can conquer all.
