I have been exposed to the word gratitude everywhere lately. Be grateful, write a gratitude journal, and so on and so forth. I believed that I practiced gratitude, but lately I have been re-examining the idea of gratitude versus simply being grateful. Is it a practice and what does that mean? Is gratitude simply being thankful? Is gratitude and grateful the same thing? So many questions…
According to the webster dictionary gratitude: “is the quality of being thankful or the readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” The difference, I suppose, between gratitude and grateful is that grateful is a feeling and gratitude is an action. So, I started looking around my world to explore this idea. My world is filled with dogs and horses, so that is where I began.
My Bella pup is a rescue dog. She came from a situation where she lived with more than a dozen dogs. Rather unexpectedly she lost one of her people and the other was struggling with devastating health issues. The result was rehoming the pack. My Bella was maybe a year old when I got her and one of the very last to be rehomed. Being a true Doberman, she is extremely sensitive. It has taken her over a year to really settle in with Cali and me. Connecting with Cali was much quicker than with me. One of the things that was apparent when I picked her up was that she was under weight. However, since coming to me, she has never missed a meal. But, during this exploration of gratitude I realized something very cool. Every day after Bella has eaten, she finds me and says thank you in her special way. Every single time she is fed she demonstrates gratitude joyfully by finding me and licking me. It is an action that she takes twice daily, and that action has never faltered. This occurs after she eats her meal, not before, she is not begging or manipulating me to feed her. It happens after she has eaten, and she practices the action of gratitude.
So, I began wondering if and how horses show gratitude. As I meandered around each of the horses while doing regular things like feeding, grooming, fly spray, or skin allergy treatments, I began to look closer at the interactions. When it comes to feed time, the horses expect to be fed. However, as I was treating skin allergies, I noticed something. One of the mares used to be notorious for not being caught, even with grain or treats. As a broodmare I do not blame her as catching usually meant shots, or palpations (think OBGYN exam), or other invasive procedures. Here is the deal, when I go out to treat her skin allergies, she comes to me. She stands quietly leaning into me ever so slightly. Her eyes will gently soften and close halfway as her head lowers a bit and her breathing softens. She stops moving her feet, she places her trust in me by closing her eyes, and she stands there by choice allowing me to treat her. She does not leave once I am done; she stays and invites more touch through touching me. She is showing me gratitude through connection. It is an action, different than Bella’s, but the action of gratitude all the same. My discovery…connection can be an act of gratitude.
For me, the action of gratitude has been overshadowed by my feeling of gratefulness. I thought I had been practicing gratitude, but mostly I have not. So, I have shifted some things to begin to practice gratitude. First, I have started acknowledging the gratitude shown me. I have softened my response and my heart. Interestingly, I know when this is occurring by how my eyes soften, and I feel the smile lines around them. My heart seems to get lighter and expand, while at the same time giving me the feeling of gratefulness. Secondly, I have started reaching out and sharing the impact people are having on me. I have sent authors notes of appreciation like Jennifer Pastiloff who wrote “On Being Human”, so frickin’ good. The show runner for one of my favorite TV shows of late that has been providing much needed representation. Author and storyteller Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Honestly, too many to name and the list is growing. Now, sceptics will say that some will never receive the notes or even know about them, so why bother? Well, the thing is that I am not doing it for them, really. I hope they do get the notes and feel acknowledged, honored, and appreciated for their work and contribution. They have impacted me in beautifully devastating, and soulful ways. Moments where I have felt less alone or seen because others have had similar thoughts or experiences in life. The act of sending these messages is really for me, and I have given myself permission to practice gratitude through my words, which feels awesome!
I have had a hard time over the years receiving people’s gratitude. Often, I have deflected it or reflected it back onto them. Stating things like, “You did the work” and “you were ready to hear or feel what was offered in that moment”. The truth is that I felt uncomfortable receiving, and that probably came across in many ways I did not intend. The awareness I have around this now is that it was possibly disrespectful of me not to receive and certainly not balanced energetically. It takes effort and courage to express gratitude and deserves to be received, even reciprocated when possible. Gratitude in its highest form can be a beautiful exchange between beings. My Bella and the horses are teaching me how to be more present while experiencing gratitude. So, to all who read this I say thank you, thank you for taking the time to read my words. May you feel the gratitude I send through the universe to each one of you. And, as we transition into this next chapter in our communities, no matter the outcome of our elections. May we each begin to come together and not only explore the areas we are grateful for in our own lives … may we all begin to deepen our practice of gratitude toward one another. May each of us look around and not only see the hungry but feed the hungry. May we offer a hand up, help our neighbor, pay it forward in a drive through or coffee shop. Eventually we will be able to gather again and through the practice of gratitude, may we become a humane, accepting, supportive, and loving community.
XO
Cathy